Why We Use a Handbook in Our Master/slave Household

People often ask me why I bother writing everything down in a D/s relationship. Rules, rituals, protocols, etiquette, all of it. Because only talking it through means everyone remembers it a little differently a month later, usually in whatever way is most convenient for them at the time. A handbook doesn't do that. It says the same thing today it said last month, whether that's convenient or not.

How It Actually Works

I write it down. Rules, rituals, protocols, etiquette. If there's something I'm supposed to do for you as your Master, something I promised, that goes in there too. Not just your side of it. And if breaking a rule comes with a consequence, I also give you an estimate of how harsh that consequence is, so we're never arguing about whether something even counted as breaking it and whether the punishment was justified.

I'll usually have you read bits of it every day. Not the whole thing, just enough that it sinks in slowly instead of being something you skim once and forget. Eventually you don't need to check it anymore because you just know it. That's kind of the goal.

The Brat's Job

If you've got some brat in you, I'll put it to good use. Your job is finding the loopholes. Read what I wrote and try to find the loopholes, the sentence I didn't think through all the way, the situation I clearly didn't plan for. I actually like it when you're good at this, because it means the rules end up better than if I'd written them alone. I close most of the loopholes before you ever see the page. You'll still find one eventually though. You always do.

Why This Is Fairest to Both of Us

Here's the part people miss when they hear "handbook" and picture something strict and one-sided. In D/s relationships, the Dominant has responsibilities too, nobody just writes them down anywhere. So when he drops the ball and she brings it up, she's the one holding the short end of the stick as the submissive, arguing a feeling against his authority. He can wave it off, and a lot of the time he does, and she lets it go because arguing back from the submissive seat doesn't feel safe.

A handbook kills that whole problem. If I forget about something I committed to, you don't have to argue with me. You just point to the page. We read it together. If you're right, you're right, and I can't just decide otherwise because I outrank you. That's one of my favorite parts of this whole thing honestly, you pointing at your book, and me telling you what a good girl you are for remembering it better than I did.

Not that I forget much. So don't count on getting to use that excuse often. 😝

Changing the Rules Together

The rules aren't set in stone either. When I want to change something, I don't just do it. I tell you first, before it's official, and ask if you see any problems with the changes. If you do, we talk about it before anything changes. If you don't, it goes into effect. Either way you're part of it. It never just happens to you.

It's kind of like a bible between a submissive and her personal god, except this god actually shows you the page before he asks you to live by it, and lets you push back on a line that you think might be problematic in some way.

If reading this makes you want to be part of a household that actually writes its promises down, not just its rules, you can learn more on our Join the Family page.